To be a 'Cold One'
by SerpentinKatie
Summary: BellaEdward. What if Carlisle did change Bella the night of the vote? What would happen? What about the treaty? And do you really loose your soul, once your turned?...Chapter 4 is up! COMPLETE!
1. Loving with your Soul

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Stephanie Meyer owns all the charaters.**

**Yes, I know this is a very short beginning for a story, but this is what I came up with. Future chapters should be longer. **

**This is my first 'Twilight'/'New Moon' fanfic. So, I hope it's ok. :) **

**R&R, if you will.**

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_**Chapter 1: Loving with your Soul**_

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I was sitting in the dining room of the Cullen household. All of them sitting down, myself included, around the dining table. We had just voted and it seemed I won. I would be a vampire in a matter of three days. Esme had asked Alice when and where and Alice had come to almost hyperventilating. She didn't think she could do it. Edward had stormed back in after leaving only minutes ago. And he started to yell in my face. He didn't see, he couldn't see, how very much I wanted this. Him wanting me to stay human...it felt as if I weren't special enough to him, to turn me, to live at his side...forever. I love him. And it felt as is my heart were being torn out by him protesting me wanting to be a vampire.

I looked to Carlisle. His face too beautiful. I asked him and he told me that he would do it, that I would be safe, that he wouldn't have any problem with his control and I believed him. I trusted him. I was too happy that he would do it, not to trust him.

Edward stormed out of the room, once more. My happiness gone and replaced with the undying sadness I had had for most of the year. It felt as if the whole in my chest was back. I couldn't breath. I gripped my sides and everyone looked at me with concern, I just gave them a nod, to show I would be ok.

Standing up I told Carlisle that I would be right back. I left the dining room only to step into a destroyed living room. What the hell happened? Did Edward do this? Was this was the racket earlier, the first time Edward left the room?

I walked past everything. Catching the wall, before I tripped over a broken lamp that lay on the floor. I walked up the stairs, to Edwards bedroom. I had to tell him. He needed to understand.

Getting to his door. I listened for...anything. I heard nothing, not a frustrated breath, even though Edward or any of the Cullen's needed to breathe for that matter, not the breaking of objects being thrown, now loud blasts of music...absolutely nothing.

I opened the door and slowly walked in. Edward was sitting on the corner of his bed. I went and sat on the other. There was a deadly silence and a tension that could be cut with a knife like butter. I took a deep breath and let it go. I waited wishing...hoping that he might speak first. But, after about twenty minutes, this deadly silence that hung over us like a cloud of smog, got tiring and I could no longer wait for him to speak.

"Edward..." I sighed, "Why can't you see that this is what I _want_?"

"You _want_ to be a monster?" Edward scoffed without even looking at me with his perfect face.

"If it means being with you forever then, yes." I told him without hesitation. I knew what I wanted and if he wouldn't support that or if he left me because of it, then I'd just have to roam the world alone...forever...heartbroken. "Edward, you have no clue how much it hurts me, when..." I could clearly feel the tears begin to prick my eyes, "...when you back away every time we kiss, like you just touching me will hurt me." I felt as a couple tears made their way slowly down my cheek and I saw Edward begin to say something, but I beat him to it, "I know. 'I don't understand how strong you are.'" I said mimicking him, "But, don't you see? If I'm turned, then you don't have to fear of me ever being hurt." Their was a long pause. "I know you think that if I'm turned I'll loose my soul. You even think that you've lost yours."

"I have." Edward said through gritted teeth.

I let a small laugh escape me and Edward looked at me, his beautiful brow raised, "Edward, isn't it said that we love not only with our hearts, but also our souls and our bodies." I stopped to let it sink in a little, "Your heart doesn't beat, and we've never..." I gestured a hand over his bed, "If you have no soul, how can you claim you love me?" I asked and he just looked at me as if I'd cracked the almighty code of the world, not a relieved look, a shocked looked. "We might think with our brains, but it's our soul that causes us to love... and when you find love... that love is called your soul-mate."

I stood up and walked towards the door. I was tired of being looked at like I was the first human being he's ever laid his angelic eyes on. I opened the door and stood there for a moment, "I know you won't do it, because just like Alice, your afraid you'll loose control. That's why Carlisle is doing it. But, I do wish that you'll be there, because if I don't live through the transformation, I'd like for your face to be the last thing I see." And then I left, closing the door behind me.


	2. Waiting for the Pain

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**Anyways, I want to say sorry. I said the next chapter would be longer, but I think it's about the same length as the first chapter. I'm sick and am coughing my butt off. lol. So don't hate me. Blame the cold I have...**

**Ok, so hear's the the 2nd chapter, other than the length of it, I hope it ok. :)**

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**_Chapter 2: Waiting for the Pain_**

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I was sitting in Alice's room, waiting. Carlisle had gone to get _ready_. Said he needed to prepare. Esme had gone along with him. I was sitting on the bed with Alice right next to me. She was holding my hand. Jasper was on the other side of the room sitting in a chair, along with Rosalie. Emmet, well he stood guard-like near the door.

I wasn't scared, that's not why I had the sudden urge to squeeze Alice's hand. I just wished that Edward was here. That he cared enough about me to be here. That somehow my words had sunk through his never-changing mind. That he loved me enough to actually see that this was...necessary. That this would make us closer. That he could actually kiss me without fearing that he may lose control.

Then, the door opened and I let go of Alice's hand and stood up, hoping that maybe my love would walk through the door. I gave a small smile as Carlisle and Esme walked in. I sat back down and Alice retook my hand and gave a smile that clearly said, 'He'll be here.' But, I doubted the words that flowed through her look.

"Are you ready, Bella?" Carlisle asked.

I took a deep breath and stared at the door. After a moment of silence, I stood once again and nodded, "Yes." I told him, knowing full well, that Edward would not be here.

Carlisle gave me a smile that made him even more beautiful. He looked to Jasper and said, "Maybe you shouldn't be present."

Jasper gave a slight nod, knowing that if he _did_ stay that things could possibly go very wrong. He stood and left, followed oddly my Rosalie, she turned around and faced me.

"I would stay." She said with a small smile, "But, I'm afraid I might lose it. I'm sorry." She said and left as well. Rosalie's words surprised me, but she sounded so sincere, so I just smiled after her.

Carlisle looked to Esme, Alice, and Emmet, "You all wish to stay?" He asked them and they all nodded.

Then out of the blue, Esme took me into her hard, yet comforting embrace, "You'll be just fine." She whispered into my ear. "We all love you. Just remember that, and you'll be just fine." She then, kissed my forehead and back away. Emmet only smiled a reassuring smile and Alice looked like she could cry.

"Alice."

"Oh, Bella." She sobbed, tearless and I felt like the wind was knocked out of me as she hugged me.

"Alice...I can't...breath..." I choked out and she suddenly let go.

"Oh, Sorry. It's just, we _do_ love you Bella. Edward too. Like Esme said, 'Just remember that, and you'll be just fine." Alice said and went to stand by Esme.

After a moment of silence Carlisle walked up to me and took my hand into his cold one, "Are you ready, Bella?" He asked, once again.

"I am." I told him.

He gestured for me to sit on the bed and he sat next to me, "I'm going to be honest." He told me. "This will hurt."

I nodded and pulled the hair away from my neck, leaving it exposed and ready for him to bite. My pulse was pounding, and he knew. I wasn't scared. I couldn't be scared. This would let be with Edward forever. Then it hit me: Edward wasn't here.

Carlisle neared closer and I closed my eyes, waiting for the pain to come.

"Wait." An angelic voice spoke.

My eyes flung open and I looked to the door, to see the man I love, the man I wanted to spend the rest of my...forever with. I felt the tears prick my eyes. I was frozen. For a minute I thought that maybe me being a vampire and roaming the world alone, forever, and heartbroken, might become of me, but now...

He walked his graceful walk towards me and knelt before me. I felt as the tears sprang free from my eyes. He only smiled, and reached a cold and pale hand to wipe away the salty tears. He then, leaned up and kissed me with his cold lips and said, "Your going to make it through the transformation. And by chance you don't, no matter what you said earlier, I _will_ make a trip to Italy."

I gave a small laugh and he kissed my forehead and then back away, standing closer than anyone, besides Carlisle, who was sitting right next to me. I look to him and gave him a nod. I tilted my head a little and closed my eyes, once more. Waiting for the pain.


	3. Three Days of Hell

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_**Chapter 3: Three Days of Hell**_

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I felt his cold breath on my skin. His teeth grazing for a moment. Then, the pain I was waiting for. It was unlike any other pain I've been through. Far worse than when James bit my hand. I felt as if I would die right then. I felt the venom run in my veins. It was excruciating. I could hear myself yell out in pain. I didn't even notice Carlisle extract his teeth from neck. I don't know how I was laid down. All I could feel was pain. The pain that everyone warned me about. The pain that I wanted to go through. I knew it was going to be bad. But, not this bad. Oh, god. 

"Edward!" I hear myself yell and I feel the bed sink beside me. Something takes my hand. It's cold. So, cold. "Edward..." I cry, "I'm cold..." I feel myself start to shiver and it only make the pain worse. I feel the venom moving within me. Passing through my throbbing veins and leaving behind, nothing. I feel dizzy with the pain. I want to pass out. I want to die. But, I want to be with Edward forever. I have to make it. I have to! "I...Love...You...Edward." I wince with each word.

"Bella, Bella, I love you...Your going to make...You will." I hear him and I groan as I feel the venom reach my heart.

I can't breath. I can't breath!!! I try, but I can't. I reach out. I try to yell, but nothing comes out. I grabbed at my chest. I want to punch through and make it beat. I need it to beat. I feel as my body goes limp and I scream out in pain. And then darkness covers my world.

-

My eyes are heavy. They flutter open and roll around. The pain is so bad that I can't talk. I can't move. But, I can hear. I can hear so very well.

"Did she call Charlie?" I hear an angelic voice.

"Yes." Says another voice. It sound like Alice.

"What did she tell him?"

"That I asked her to go camping with me." Alice told him.

"And?" My beautiful boyfriends asked.

"He believed her."

"Good." Edward whispers, but I can still here him which is remarkable.

"Don't feel bad, Edward. She loves you. And you love her. And now you can be together forever." Alice tells him and I try to smile, but I can't. It's too painful. I feel my eyes roll back and darkness once again covers my world.

-

I'm struggling against something. Something hard. But, I seem to be pretty strong, because whatever I'm struggling against, it's struggling too. I push against it, but it seems to pin me down. I start biting at it, but nothing happens. I feel hungry and the pain is lessening, but still there.

"Bella! Bella stop!" Someone yells to me. A whole bunch of voice's are talking all together. I here Edward, Alice, Carlisle, and Emmet. I think I hear Esme, too. But, I pay no attention. I'm _thirsty_. But, in too much pain. So, I surrender.

When are these three days of hell going to end?


	4. To be a 'Cold One'

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**I'm really glad you all love this story and that you loved the chapter before. **

**I'm sorry to say this is the last chapter for this story and look...it's long! lmao! But, still I'm deeply sorry, I would go on, but I feel this is the end of "_To be a 'Cold One'_".**

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_**Chapter 4: To be a 'Cold One'**_

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I sat up all of a sudden, looking around I found myself alone. I looked at my hand from back to palm, it was paler than usual. I laughed inwardly, I guess it's supposed to be. I took a breath that I didn't need. I felt great. I felt like I could do anything. 

I felt like getting up and before I knew it I was walking out the door of Alice's room. I smiled, this was great.

Walking down the hall I could easily hear what was being talked about down in the kitchen, even from way up here.

"She should be up. Shouldn't she be up Carlisle?" My smile grew at Edwards worry. I slowly and quietly made my way downstairs.

"She'll be up soon, Edwards. It's not an easy process, as you know." Carlisle told him.

"It's just been a long three days..." Edwards said and ran a hand through his perfect hair.

"Edward you don't need..." Carlisle began.

"...to be so worried." I finished coming through the kitchen door. Everyone looked at me with wide eyes. I just smiled.

"Bella...Your beautiful..." Alice gushed, "Not that you weren't beautiful before, but..."

"You hot!" Emmet laughed, "Damn girl, spin around."

I laughed and did as asked. A whistle came from Emmet and Jasper and both Alice and Rosalie hit them. I laughed, yet again.

"Bella?" Edward said and walked over to me.

"Edward." I said.

"You look beautiful." He told me.

I couldn't help, but hug him. He was my life, now. They all were, but he was the most important.

He pulled back a little and looked into my eyes, "How do you feel?" He asked with his soothing voice.

"Very, very..." I started, "...thirsty."

Everyone burst out laughing, even Edward.

"I guess we really are going camping, after all." Alice said beaming at me.

I laughed, "I guess so."

-

We were standing in the middle of a forest. Everyone paired up. Carlisle and Esme, Emmet and Rosalie, Alice and Jasper, and Edward and I.

"Now, Edward let her pick her own and don't hunt it for her. She needs to learn on her own." Carlisle demanded, but with a soft tone to his voice. Edward nodded and then grabbed my hand and led me away.

I started to look at everything that made a noise. My hearing was incredible. I could still hear Rosalie and Emmet talking then the sound of their hunt being slaughtered. Which made me feel a little discontent. 'Would I like to hunt?' I ask myself, but then the question leaves my thoughts as I watch a coyote slowly walking towards us.

I felt as if my insides were screaming for it to come closer. I wanted to lash out at it, for the smell of it's blood was sweet. I looked to Edward and I knew he knew how I was feeling. He nodded and I slowly made my way over, circling my prey before pouncing and making it my meal.

-

Edward and I sat on the couch in his bedroom, in each others embrace. I looked up at him and smiled. He smiled back. I kissed him softly on the lips trying to hold back the urge to jump him.

I pull back, "I was thinking." I tell him.

"What?" He asked his brow furrowed.

"What about the treaty?" I asked, I had forgotten all about it. What would happen to Edward and his family? My family?

Edward looked away, "We'll just have to leave." He confirmed. I could see he didn't want to. He loved Forks. It was the perfect place for him, for me, for all of us.

"No." I said and stood up and started for the door.

"Where are you going?" He asked.

"I need to speak with Charlie, I haven't seen him in three days and he's probably freaking out. I need to tell him something and then I have to make an...errand." I said and slipped out of the room, faster then he could disappear.

-

I made sure the door slammed as I came into the house. I knew Charlie was home I saw his car out in front.

"Bella?!" Charlie yelled and came to the front door and saw nobody. He turned around, "Ah!" He yelled when he saw me. He put a hand to his heart, "You scared me half to death." He said his erratic breathing calming.

"I'm sorry." I told him.

"Did you have fun?" He asked and when I raised a questioning brow he said, "Camping. With Alice?"

"Oh, yeah..." I lied my remembrance, "It was great."

Charlie's brow furrowed, "Bella, are you all right? You look a little paler than usual?" He asked. I laughed.

"I'm fine Charlie." I saw the pain cross his features when I didn't say 'Dad'. "But, we have to talk."

Charlie nodded and reached out and took my arm, "Your cold." He stated and I just nodded. He led me to the kitchen were we sat across from each other. "What is it you want to talk about?"

"Charlie..." I saw the pained expression, "...I've graduated early." I said telling the full truth. Me and the principle had a little talk and I had the highest marks in all the school, aside from two vampires I know. I inwardly laughed. I can't call them vampire know since I'm one. "I was given my diploma and everything, see." I pull out all a rolled up piece of paper and a certificate and showed him. Charlie smiles down at the paper that says I've graduated high school. He looked back up at me and the smile was gone.

"This isn't all you wanted to tell me." He asked but it doesn't sound like a question.

"I'm 18 Charlie. I've graduated high school, and I've a diploma to prove it. I'm no longer a child and I feel that it's time I moved out." I rush the worlds.

"Your moving in with Edward." Again not a question. I nod. Sometimes I think Charlie's a little uneducated with some things, but he's not slow. "And all the Cullen's?" Question.

I nod, "Yes. Edward is still going to graduate with the rest of the students and Carlisle and Esme don't want him to move out until he's gotten his diploma." I lied, at least about Carlisle and Esme not wanting him to move out. Edward could go anywhere he wanted and all he'd have to do was inform one of them, just so they wouldn't worry. But, Edward loves them too much to leave...well...

Charlie just nodded, that surprised me. I thought he'd take it badly. Yell. Through things. Go after Edward with a pitchfork... But, instead he sat there. And nodded.

"Charlie?"

"I respect your decision." He told me. I could feel my eyes widen in shock. "I remember being your age. Wanting to get rid of the old people and get as far as possible." He laughed.

"I don't want to get rid of you, Dad." I said and Charlie smiled, "And I'm not going to be far..." A small silence up took us until I jumped up and said, "Plus, there's the telephone. You can call whenever you want."

Charlie laughed, again and stood up, I stood up as well and then he took me into his embrace. I hugged him back. And the realization dawned on me. Wasn't I supposed to react badly around people at this close of a proximity? I was a new vampire and didn't even feel like biting Charlie...Weird...I could smell his blood so clearly. It's just I didn't yearn for it's taste. I have to talk to Carlisle about this, but later. I have more important things to do.

I backed away from Charlie and forced a smile, not that I wasn't happy, it's just; could something actually be wrong with me?

"I have to go." I said and turn around.

"Bella?" Charlie asked and I stopped, "Don't you want to pack your things?"

I looked to him and smiled, "I'll be back tomorrow." I promised him and then walked to him and gave him a hug, not knowing if it would be the last or not.

"Bye." I said and then walked out.

-

I walked in the forest towards La Push. I knew that by coming here I could easily get killed. I was signing my death wish just by thinking about walking into the Indian Reservation. I was being suicidal without even knowing it. Edward would be deeply mad at me.

But, I needed to tell these 'werewolves' that I welcomed being turned into a 'cold one' I wanted it. Screw the treaty!

I felt eyes on me as I walked through the reservation towards Sam's house. I turned to look at the house that was too familiar to me. I saw Billy looking out the window. I looked back and kept going on my way. I gave him a nod of my head and then looked forward.

I came to the front door of Sam's place. I knocked and waited. I could be torn to shreds right as he opened the door. Thank god it was Emily. Her eyes widened at the sight of me, but she let me in anyways. I walked through the door and stood close to the couch.

"Have a seat." She said. She seemed tense. I couldn't blame her. Being in the presence of a vampire could do that sometimes.

"Thank you." I said and sat.

A silence took control of the room until I couldn't take it anymore, "Sam's not home?"

"No." She shook her head, "It's probably best."

"I need to talk to him." I told her.

"You'll be dead at first glance." She confirmed.

"I'll take the risk. That's me the risk taker." I laughed, but her face was expressionless.

"So, your one of them?"

"Yes."

"They're in trouble now, you know?"

"I know, that's why I'm hear. To explain to Sam, that it was my choice. I wanted it. Edward didn't want me too, but he came around after I gave this whole big speech." I laughed and this time Emily laughed too.

"You love him that much?" She said smiling, "That you would die, just to be with him for ever?"

"Yeah." I smiled.

After staring at each other for a moment, Emily surprised me with what she said next, "So, tell me about this _speech_."

I laughed and told her all about it. Emily was unlike anyone I've ever met. She accepted my decision and who I now was.

"That must of had his jaw on the floor." Emily laughed.

I laughed too, "Yeah, it was like he was looking at a human for the first time."

"And, then he accepted it?"

"Yup." I said dreamily.

"You know. I thought you were crazy for loving a 'cold one', and now you are one, but hearing all this. It makes things more...I don't know...agreeable?" She told me, "I mean I can see now, how much you love him. You'd do anything to be with him, no matter what he is. Kind of like me, except I don't go 'grr'." We both laughed.

The door then slammed open and in ran, Sam, Jacob, Emery, and Jared.

"Emily!" Sam yelled scared. They were all shaking a little.

"Sam, calm down." Emily said softly and looked at me giving me a wink. "Bella's just here to talk. And she's got a pretty good story." Emily got up and walked over to Sam wrapping her arms around him. He seemed to relax a little, she then pulled back and wagged her index finger at him, "So you have to listen." She demanded. She looked to the other boys, "You three go for a run or something." Emery and Jared left without another word, but Jacob stared at me. He looked sad; heartbroken. Sam growled and then Jacob was out of the door and with the other two boys.

"Talk, vampire." Sam demanded.

"Sam!" Emily exclaimed, "That's still Bella! So, treat her with some respect! She's still my friend, do you understand!?"

Sam growled again and then nodded.

"Good," Emily smiled, "I'm going to go start supper. You two have a nice chat." She then left me. Alone. With a highly murderous werewolf. Well, he could kill me if he wanted.

"So, are you going to tell be it wasn't their fault your like this now." He asked me and I furrowed my brow.

"Actually, I was going to tell you that it was my choice." I told him and he laughed distastefully, "I love Edward. And he loves me. You all could understand that, because you've never loved a 'thing', something unnatural, something that comes from out of the movies." I huffed forcefully, "Edward didn't want to change me, he never intended too, he didn't actually. There was a vote and I won. It's as simple as that. They didn't break the treaty."

"The hell they didn't. They bit someone." Sam fumed.

"I went willingly." I stated my voice rising, "Carlisle did it because I wanted him to. Actually I wanted Edward to be the one to change me, but he thought he'd loose control and then Alice was supposed too, but she felt the same way."

"I don't care."

"Of course you don't. But lets flip the story for moment. Let go to Emily's story. She loved you. You did what you did to her. And your still with her. Not that you didn't try not to be. But, she still wanted to be with you even though you could've killed her. She still loves you. She stay's by you side. She's not afraid of who you are. You're a damn werewolf, Sam. A monster, just like a vampire is a monster. Just like the Cullen's just like me, like Jacob, Emery, and Jared. We're all monsters. When I wasn't a vampire, I still would have stayed with Edward, no matter what, because I loved him. Just like Emily. She stay's with you because she loves you. She can't be a werewolf, so she stays human. I had a choice and I took it, so I could be with the one I love forever. It was my choice. Mine. Not yours, not the Cullen's. They just agreed with me and my reason. It was still my choice, and I'll never regret it."

I took a unneeded breath and smiled at him. His face blank. I stood up and so did he. "It was nice knowing you. I hope that we can stay... friends." I said with a laugh and he actually cracked a smile.

I walked towards the door and then called out, "Thank you, Emily." She hurried out of the kitchen and over to me embracing me with a hug. "You come by whenever you get the chance." She told me and I laughed. She looked over at Sam, "And I mean, whenever you get the chance." She looked back to me, "Be good. No biting people." She laughed.

"Don't worry." I laughed too, "I think I'm immune. Besides, coyote is excellent." I said with a thumbs-up. She looked a little disgusted and then burst out with laughter.

"I really have to go." I said and gave her one last hug, before exiting the house.

Walking out I saw Jacob, Emery, and Jared. I walked ahead and gave them a quick smile before walking out of La Push. I could feel the daggers Jacob was penetrating me with, but ignored it. It didn't really seem to bother me.

That's why I ask: Was Edward right? Do we lose are souls, once changed? If being able to love, and laugh, and enjoy life, even if your not living, is the definition of losing your soul, then I'd have to say: Hell yes! I lost my soul!

But, if losing your soul is becoming a monstrous fiend and killing everything in your path, not being able to love and enjoying the stench of death. Then I'd have to say: Hell no! I have a soul!

I ran back to Charlie's. Quietly sneaking into my old room and rummaging through a draw.

"Looking for this?" Asked a silky voice.

I turned my head and glared at Edward as he held my red notebook.

"Lets read." He said quietly and flipped it open.

"To be a 'Cold One': The bad

1. Being one that kills people.

2. Losing control, around people.

To be a 'Cold One': The good

1. Might get a special ability,

2. Can skip school.

3. Can live to see my 500th birthday.

4. Can join the Cullen Family

5. Can be with Edward, forever."

Edward smiled up at me and I smiled back. He walked over to me slowly and wrapped his arms around my waist. He kissed my forehead, my nose, and then my lips. I felt like melting with every touch.

"I love you, Bella Swann-Cullen." He whispered in my ear.

I smiled, "I love you too, Edward Cullen." I said and brought my lips to his. The kiss filled with more passion then any other kiss we've had. Oh, the joys to be a 'Cold One'.

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**Fin.**


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